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Never 2 Late 4 the Christmas Gift Santa Should Have Gotten You As a Teenager!

I have been compiling A Christmas List for my Younger Self. It is a bittersweet process. Most of us can remember that Christmas when we didn't get that one special thing that we asked for. For me, it was purple pajamas. I was three and we had just moved to Crete and, apparently, purple pajamas were scarce on our little isle. My frantic mother searched for purple fabric, but that was not available either. She wrote my grandmother and asked for her to mail purple flannel, but Grammy could only find pink and yellow. Desperate, my mother overcompensated and sewed both the pink and yellow flannel into pajamas (and purchased about 1000 toys).

It didn't work. I woke up on Christmas morn with a fever, so my mom carried me into the living room thinking that the overwhelming Christmas display of toys littering the entire landscape would cheer me up.

I solemnly surveyed the room. Then I burst into tears. My heart's one true desire, purple pajamas, were nowhere to be seen.

Me & Santa posing together the following year:

USAF Toyland in Crete

(Circa 1963)

If I look dubious, it's because I didn't trust Santa after the 1962 debacle.

And his beard looked fake. Clearly I was dealing with an imposter.

Admittedly, even as a small child, I was an Exactavist (I stole that word from a J Crew tee shirt). I have always been very particular in my tastes and, according to my family, that makes me difficult to shop for. < (I know, I know! I left a dangling preposition. Get over it!)

But in my defense, my "Exactivism" makes me the perfect FANGIRL! Once I find something I like (like the Rolling Stones or Starbucks' iced toffee nut lattes) I am a full-on devotee and I fully commit to an exclusive relationship with the object of my affection.

And that's why I don't understand how no one ever gave me a Christmas gift like this:

Or this:

Or this or this or this or this . . .

I just know that SOMEONE should have. My high school teachers (and the Rolling Stones) would have appreciated the heads-up.

But it's never too late, right?

Are you listening SANTA????



To purchase any of the merchandise featured in this post, click the image.

(And Santa . . . If you can't handle that, then you are of no use to anybody!)


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